May, 2007

This month marks 1 year since our little Jeremiah came and left so suddenly.  It has been the most difficult and heart wrenching year of our lives, yet through it we have seen God faithfully provide for us through our friends, family and church.  Not a day goes by that we do not long for our sweet Jeremiah to be here with us.  He would be crawling around now and getting ready to walk.  It is so hard to see other babies that are around the same age as Jeremiah.  This month is especially difficult because John is in Iraq right now.  He left in February the day after Valentines.  And we must edure this very difficult anniversary separated by thousands of miles.

On May 2, 2007, to remember and celebrate Jeremiah, the children and I ordered a dozen baby blue balloons and planned to release them at the beach with our dear friends the Morris' and the Bakers.  It was raining, so we didn't make it to the beach but we went to a little church in Hollywood, Maryland that has always seemed so charming to me.  It is a very old church with a cross at the top; a simple yet beautiful spot to release balloons in celebration of Jeremiah's life.  Each of us wrote a little note to Jeremiah and attached it to a balloon.  John sent a message from Iraq which we attached to a balloon, too.  We gathered in a circle and prayed and sang some praise and worship songs.  It was a beautiful time of remembering.  Yes, we were sad that he wasn't here with us.  Yes, we longed for him to be with us babbling and cooing.  Yes, we ached that we could not sing happy birthday to his smiling face, but what a beautiful time of peace and reflection we experienced in the mist of that wet evening.  The rain had stopped and the air was still and heavy with moisture.  We released the balloons together and watched them dance into the evening sky.  As we watched them float away, the heaviness of the year seemed to lift from my spirit.  We had made it through the most difficult months and looked ahead, as now I was 5 months pregnant with Jeremiah's little brother.  No baby would ever take the place of Jeremiah.  His heart was knit to ours for eternity, but we could begin the healing that we all so desperately needed.  God confirmed for me that feeling of peace.  As we stood there watching the balloons, Abi, our oldest and only daughter exclaimed, "Look, the balloons have formed the letter J in the sky for Jeremiah!"  We could not believe our eyes.  The balloons indeed had formed the letter J way off in the distance.  I felt God was physically showing me His tender mercies in that moment.  He was proclaiming to me "Do not worry, my child.  I have Jeremiah! His life was fulfilled in those brief months of life.  He is waiting for you, as am I."  What an amazing experience for all of us and especially for me, his mother, whose arms ached to hold her baby boy on his birthday.  We went home that evening and I was filled with unexplainable peace.  What an amazing anniversary.  A day that I had been dreading for weeks truly became a marker in our lives of God's faithfulness.  My only regret was that John could not be with us.  He was in Iraq, processing his greif and marking the anniversary alone. 

Abi writing her note to Jeremiah.

Zak writing his note.

Alisa writing her note.

Our picnic got rained out, so we picniced on the floor of the Baker's house!

Zak, Alisa, Abi and Nate in front of the church before we released the balloons.

Balloons with notes in front of the church.

Here we go.

A beautiful setting for our release.

It was a very touching time.

On their way up to heaven. 

Oh how we wish we could have visited Jeremiah that day!