T he story of Jeremiah begins long before we found out we were pregnant with him. In the months preceding my pregnancy with Jeremiah, we faced two other losses. One baby we miscarried in April of 2004, and the other loss was the birth of Jeremiah’s older brother Elijah Jonathan who was born asleep on January 12, 2005 half way through my pregnancy. His cause of death was determined to be a kink in his umbilical cord. From what I understood, it was a complete fluke and nothing could have been done to prevent his death. We mourned Elijah's death and walked through debilitating grief for months. During that time I sunk to a low that I had never experienced before. I felt like I was at the end of myself, yet somehow we made it through those difficult months with the help of friends, family and our faith. My faith was tested like never before. All of the head knowledge that I had about the God I loved and served suddenly got put to the test. It is one thing to believe with your head and it is an entirely different thing to believe with your heart. God drew me to himself through the loss of Elijah.

N ine months later, in September of 2005, we found out that we were once again expecting a baby. Our desire to have another baby was so strong after losing Elijah and the baby before that. Our living children yearned for this baby as well. I struggled with a very real fear in those first months of losing this baby, too. Oddly enough, Jeremiah’s due date was June 6, 2006 and Elijah’s due date was June 7, 2005.  So every week I was pregnant with Jeremiah exactly paralleled my pregnancy with Elijah up until January 12. This was difficult for me as we neared the anniversary of Elijah’s birth. Once we passed the 19 week point and I began to feel him moving I felt a greater peace. The pregnancy progressed and Jeremiah grew. He was a very active little bugger. I loved to press down on him when he was pressing up on my belly. It was our way of communicating. This happened many times a day. The children also enjoyed getting to know Jeremiah through my belly. Nathaniel, our youngest, especially loved rubbing my belly. What a joy for me to watch as Jeremiah’s older siblings planned and talked of his arrival. We redecorated the guest room into a nursery. We ordered new furniture. We pulled out the baby clothes. Everything was coming together. Our summer was planned around Jeremiah’s arrival. Everyone was thrilled!

O n Monday, April 24, I went in for an ultrasound to check on Jeremiah’s size. Our third child weighed 11 pounds 13 ounces, so we didn’t want a repeat of that birth weight!! I was measuring very big and the ultrasound estimated that Jeremiah was already 6 ½ pounds and was measuring 38 weeks. He too was on his way to “big baby” status. Two days after this ultrasound I saw my OB and we discussed inducing the baby at 38 weeks, just 3 ½ short weeks away. At this appointment, we learned that Jeremiah had turned to a breach position (head up). This was concerning, but my doctor and I were both hoping that he would turn back to a head down position soon.  Little did I know we would be delivering our baby less than a week later and he would not be alive.

O n Sunday, April 30th, 4 days after my OB visit, after a busy day of activities I realized that I couldn't remember feeling Jeremiah moving during that day. He was a very active baby, so this concerned me greatly. We ended up at the Labor and Delivery ward of our hospital to be met with the unbelievable news that Jeremiahs heart no longer beat with mine. Flash backs of last year just slapped us in the face. How could this be happening again? We were so close! What went wrong? How often does this happen? Hundreds of unanswered questions were floating around.

W e decided to go home that night and spend the next morning with the children before returning to the hospital to have labor induced. We wanted to tell the kids ourselves that their baby brother was not coming home. He was already home with Jesus. We actually didn’t know he was a boy until that Monday. At our 20 week ultrasound the technician had written his gender down on a card and sealed it in an envelope. We opened that envelope with the children. I spent that Monday in my pajamas praying and weeping. John and I laid hands on my belly and prayed for a miracle. I believe and still do believe that God could have changed the outcome had it been in His plan to do so. We may never understand why Jeremiah was called home so soon, yet I know in whom I have believed!

B eing a professional photographer, I had planned on having my good friend Jennifer take my pregnant belly pictures the following week. Everything had changed, now. Jennifer came over, and we decided to take pictures of my belly in our basement studio before we left for the hospital.  We were saying good bye before we even got to say hello.  Later at the hospital after his birth, even through all of the grief, I was able to take some beautiful pictures using  the window light in our room.  At the time, I couldn’t even imagine how precious those pictures would be to me.

L abor was long and grueling. The grief was overwhelming. I wept like I have never wept before. Our hearts were unmistakably shattered to pieces. As I look back, I am thankful that Jeremiah’s birth did not come quickly. The 27 hours of labor allowed us to grieve and process his death before he was born, so that when he arrived, there was an amazing and undeniable peace in our room. There was intense sadness, not joy, but also a deep abiding peace. God’s words flooded my soul…

“I will never leave you or forsake you.”

“W hen you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned…”  Isa 43:2

”I will not leave you comfortless.”  Jn 14:18

“B lessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted’  Matt 5:4

A t 10:09 pm on Tuesday, May 2, 2006 Jeremiah Levi Albers was born asleep at 35 weeks gestation, just 3 weeks from his anticipated arrival. He weighed 7 pounds 4 ounces and was 19 1/2 inches long, exactly the weight and length of his daddy at his birth. He was perfectly formed in every way. Ten beautiful long fingers and ten adorable tiny toes, a precious little button nose, delicate eyelashes, baby soft skin, long chunky legs, and chubby cheeks and ears that could be nibbled by his mommy!

W hen he was born the doctor was immediately able to see the cause of his death. He had a true knot in his umbilical cord. The cord was wrapped around his neck and then once around his shoulder and under his arm. He had turned from the breach position during the night Saturday the 29th, and the knot had been tightened which cut off his oxygen. As I have since learned, true knots occur in 1-2% of pregnancies.

T he following Sunday, May 7, we had a memorial service for Jeremiah. It was a beautiful ceremony celebrating his very short life. 300 people were there to love and support us. WOW! We were certainly overwhelmed at our community’s response. It was amazing to me that Jeremiah’s little life impacted so many hearts in such a very powerful way. We received letters and emails telling us how profoundly changed people were by the service and the testimony of our faith. Many shared of their renewed faith. Others shared of finding new faith. All of this came from one child who had not yet breathed one breath of air. I can tell you now, that it was God who sustained us. In our own strength we would have been puddles on the floor.

I n the weeks that have followed Jeremiah’s death, we continue to grieve. What a long road ahead. My heart still aches daily to have him here with us. What a blessing to come home to our three beautiful living children, who give me many reasons to get out of bed when I don’t feel like it. They are truly inspiring. I am so very thankful for each day that Jeremiah was with us and know that we will never be the same. We too have been profoundly impacted by this little boy who came into our lives for 8 short months in utero. The verses from Matthew 6:19-21 have new meaning to me now.  “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourself treasures in heaven…For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”